Is it time to stand up?

In today’s highly active political and social climate it would be easy to assume that such a statement would have significant weight behind it.

Actually, no.  It has a much simpler meaning.  Am, I, at age 57, ready to try my hand at being a stand up comic?  This question was posed to me just last week by my wonderful dentist, Dr. Vince Pepe, during a cleaning.  I suppose, after looking into my mouth, nothing but humor comes to mind.

Still, it’s something I have thought about many times over the years.  Most comedians break into that business in their twenties, or if they are late bloomers, their thirties.  Me, I’d be beyond Roy Hobbs status.  I’d be like Connie Mack throwing off the suit and running out to play first base.

Since I was a boy I always had a knack for making people laugh, unfortunately, usually at me and not with me.  Girls for some reason were always amused by me, if not attracted to me.  As an adult I can be funny at parties, but now, in my fifties, I think I’ve found my true calling.  Sarcasm based on blatant honesty.  You may recognize it as the Larry David effect.

One of the benefits of growing older is that you have to be concerned less and less about sparing other people’s feelings.  With age, they say, comes wisdom.  And with wisdom comes great responsibility.  Should it be used for good or evil?  I say, why not both?

Assembling, “ten good minutes” of material is not a problem.  I’ve already had about a thousand, “ten good minute” moments in my life, most of which I have no problem repeating in public.  Filler material, based on today’s current events and the younger generation, well, that’s never been easier.

The question remains, “Why do it?”  I don’t have a bucket list.  Never have.  For anyone of you who read my book I have already had eight near death experiences to date.  This would easily quality as number nine.

I have spoken in public before, even before large groups, whether it be a significant birthday party, in front of a class, or delivering a eulogy.  However, these are generally not situations where people tend to heckle you or throw small cherries from their drinks in your direction if you fail to amuse them.  I could live without that, thank you.

So, is this something that I really need to do?  Get up in front of a group of people and try to make them laugh?  I already do that once a year when I go in for my yearly physical.  I always wonder why the doctor feels the need to bring the clerical staff into the office when I undress?

We do have karaoke night at our house a few times a year.  How much worse can it be than that?  Getting up in front of people and singing when you can’t sing?  But, there are usually massive amounts of alcohol that accompany that activity.  And an endless supply of earplugs.

So what’s the downside?  I decide to do it, get up, freeze on stage, not even like a deer in the headlights, they’re actually cute.  Freeze up, say, like an opossum in the headlights?  And we’ve all seen how often they fail to make it off of the highway before getting squished.  So what, I have a desire now to get squished by a semi or the equivalent thereof?

The last time I was standing in front of a room, microphone in hand, talking to a group of 200 people all of whom had their attention focused on me, was giving a toast at my daughter’s wedding.  And it cost me $40,000 to make that speech.  But, I did have ten good minutes that night.

If I choose to do this one, if could end up costing me much, much more.