I don’t want to become the complainer blogger. Really, I don’t. But i am finding it more and more difficult to ignore some of the everyday annoyances that simply need to go away. Let’s concentrate today on a required, but oft, overused two-word phrase. I’m sorry.
Are you really? Are you really sorry? Because if you are, then that’s okay. But I am bombarded at least ten times a day with, “I’m sorry”, when it has no place or meaning.
Example one, I am standing in line at the supermarket. The woman ahead of me is checking out. The cashier is having a difficult time processing her credit card. When it’s not accepted in under four seconds, she turns in my direction. “I’m sorry”. As if she’s responsible for the clerk’s actions or the machine’s malfunction. My reply is my new normal, “You have nothing to be sorry for”. This usually confuses the person for a moment. Then they start to look at me as if now they deserve an, “I’m sorry” back. That’s not going to happen (and I’m not sorry).
Example two, we’re out having dinner, and after the meal the waitress notices I’ve only consumed half of my steak, which I do on many occasions when I am trying to keep weight off. “I’m sorry, did you not like your steak?” no, the steak was fine, it’s your remark that tasted bad. What’s wrong with, “Sir, was there a problem with your steak?”
Last week this actually happened to me. I was at home, at about 5:30 in the afternoon when the phone rang. I answered, “Hello”, and the voice on the other end, one I recognized, started with, “I’m sorry, did I catch you at a bad time?” I actually replied, “Yes”, even though it wasn’t because, well, there was nothing left to say at that point. Really? We feel the need to start off with an apology, just in case?
Let’s try to eliminate the words, “I’m sorry” as a form of immediate reaction and demand that if follow first thoughts and then words that deem it to be appropriate. I know, again, most of you are thinking, “He’s really off of his rocker”. I’m sorry, I’m not. I didn’t mean that.
Here are examples of situations when the phrase is acceptable, if not required.
“Honey, I realize I told you that I was in Haiti last month working to rebuild houses, but I’m sorry, I was actually in Jersey with my massage therapist exploring our future together”.
“Mr. Duffy I told you the repairs on your truck would be about $150, but, geez, I’m sorry, they ended up being closer to $500. I went ahead and fixed it, hope that’s okay”. And a few minutes later…”I’m sorry, that credit card’s been declined”. At least I got the appropriate one first. I still don’t have my truck, but that’s another matter.
And of course, the worst…”Mr. Duffy, we have your test results back, and I’m sorry”…no need to finish that one off. I’ve heard that one twice now, let me tell you those two words offered zero consolation.
The worst is when we attend a viewing. We stand in line for 30 minutes, approach the family, shake a hand, kiss a cheek or offer a hug, accompanied only by the words, “I’m sorry. Or in cases of an unexpected death, “I’m really sorry”. Is this the best we have, as humans, to offer? How about, “Jim was a great man, and he died doing what he loved, jogging. Who’d of thought, a pack of wolves, in this area? Are they serving food afterwards?”
I’m not going to address the issue of phone assistance workers. They have the words, “I’m sorry” written in 10 inch letters in their script. I once counted and heard it from a Comcast rep 12 times over a span of three minutes when I called about a disruption of service. Since that call was monitored or recorded to improve their level of service to me, I’m not sure if that person was eventually demoted or promoted. My service was not immediately restored until I agreed to upgrade my cable package and at no time did I feel the phone rep actually was sorry for me.
Here’s some homework for the day. A some point today tell someone you love, “I’m sorry” for something you’ve done that actually hurt them, even if it was some time ago. The statute of limitations on a real apology never runs out. Many of us walk around most of the time feeling really small, and those words, said right, and with meaning, can make a great difference in someone’s day, in someone’s life. Try it, just one person. Throw in a “really” if you think it’s warranted.
It means you are listening to them. You hear them. Listening is a field. Too many of us are preoccupied with what we are saying. What we have to say. What we need to say. When we do this, quite often we fail to focus on hearing what people are trying to say to us.
Every one of us knows someone who finds it difficult to admit they were wrong. But remember, you don’t have to say, “I’m wrong” to say, “I’m sorry”. Like, “I’m sorry that I’m such an ass and can’t admit I’m wrong”.
And to those of you I have wronged, to those of you I failed, to those of you who expected more from me and I failed to deliver, to those of you whom I have caused genuine pain…I’m sorry.
Trapped in a Happy Life 