The “Talk”

I mentioned in a blog a few days ago that when I was young, Dad never gave me, “The talk”.  Mom never gave me, “The talk” either.

Years later I’m actually grateful for that.  I think, given their parental skills at the time, it may have ended up being something I was scarred by and let’s face it, when thinking back on my childhood one less scar is fine by me.

The problem was, in the late 60’s and early 70’s there weren’t any television shows that featured the talk.  Even on family oriented shows like the Brady Bunch and The Waltons, they never showed you any of the parents giving their children that talk.  And if anyone was going to give to you, it was Mike and Carol Brady or John and Olivia Walton.

In our Catholic elementary school there was no sex education.  There was no sex.  Sex did not exist.  They didn’t even preach virginity.  Nothing about protection.  Nothing about birth control, or safe sex.  They said nothing.  You were told nothing.  Sgt. Schultz would have been proud.

So where did that leave most of us?  Trying to piece together what we thought made sense from what we saw and heard on the street.  And that was a scary, scary thing.  Thinking back now it is amazing to think any of us made it through that time.

No need to get explicit here.  It was like a 12 year-old being given the plans on how to build an atomic bomb and being told, “Be careful, don’t blow yourself up”.  I clearly remember someone once convincing me I had made a girl pregnant just by kissing her.

I don’t know what it was like in the other households.  Most of my friends seemed as lost as I was growing up, about that sort of stuff.  I first kissed a girl at 11 and had my first real boyfriend-girlfriend relationship at 14.  Fourteen.  The thought even today send chills down my spine.

And then I think, I never gave my daughter, “The talk”.  But, she had a mom and a stepmom for that.  It was never conveyed to me that either actually had that conversation.  But things seem to have worked out okay.  But who knows?  Who ever knows?

I wonder if, outside of the movies and television, has anyone ever been given, “The talk”, or has anyone given, “The talk” to anyone else?  And if so, did it work?  Or is it just a horrible memory?

How did kids make it through?  And how are they making it through now?  Do we even know?  Do we bother to ask?  Go ahead, ask.  Risk the embarrassment.

I have to imagine Harvey Weinstein’s parents never gave him, “The talk”.  Or if they did he wasn’t listening.  Today, more than ever, it seems the talk is necessary.  Vital.  But like learning to drive, it has to be given by someone who knows what they’re talking about.  Should that be a profession?  Someone who does nothing but counsel the young on, “The talk”?  And exactly how do you get your degree to teach that class? Think about it.

I’ve said before that therapy should be mandatory in this country, once a week, for everyone between the ages of 18 and 21.  But maybe, as well, all children need to be given the talk, say at age 12?   And again at 13, and 14 and 15?

I don’t claim to have all of the answers.  Not even many of them.  But this seems pretty obvious.  We’re allowed to drive a car at 16 but by then more than half of the kids in this country don’t have the first clue about sex, or respect for the opposite sex, regardless of relations.

If you can’t handle the talk on your own, find a professional who can.  And take your child there.  Or your grandchild.  Give them a flashlight instead of allowing them to fumble around in the dark.  Education is the key to every problem we have in this country.  But we need to climb out of the shadows.  We’ve been through it.  We know where the traps are.  The least we can do is pass along something helpful to our kids.

Sorry about the heavy subject matter the night before Easter.  Some things can’t wait.

Peace.