Most of us are born of one mother. In today’s society some of us are fortunate enough to have two. At one time I actually had three.
Of course, I was born of Lucille, aka, the Big L, aka Lulu. She remains on the job. A bit shorter, a little bit shaken by the events of lung cancer, but still going strong at 84.
When I was first married in 1984 I gained a second mother, my mother-in-law, Dolores. She was (and is) a good woman and we never had any issues that I am aware of, until I decided to divorce her daughter some seven years later. Even after that I never felt like she had totally abandoned the mother role. I kind of forced her hand.
And of course, there was mother number three, Mother Nature. Now a lot of people have Mother Mary as well, but she and I parted ways many years ago. Nothing against her personally but her kids, you know, a lot of bad seeds there. Mother Nature though had always been steadfast. Reliable. Warm. Loving. I said warm, right?
So, following my divorce in 1991 I was down to two mothers, officially. Mother Nature and Lulu. Then, in 2002 I was remarried, and for a brief while was back up to three mothers, with my new mother-in-law, Marion. Sadly, we never really had a chance to connect all that often and she passed on not long after my marriage to her daughter, Madeline. But I was fortunate and happy to have her in my live for as long as I did.
Back down to two mothers. Nature and Lulu.
And as of today, now down to just one. No, don’t worry, the Big L is alive and kicking. Saw her last night and spoke to her today and picked her up a large tub of Johnson’s caramel corn at her request. She’s okay, although in a few days she won’t be feeling very great.
No, as of today, me and Mother Nature are on the outs.
I am off this week. Doing some home repairs and the like. Driving back from Home Depot, today, April 17th, at 1:30, there were snow flurries descending from the sky. April 17th. Snow flurries. That’s it. I give. Really, I do. You ever hear about those kids who leave home, move far away and never write or visit? You ever wonder why that is?
It was a long winter. Cold, snowy, with very few decent days. But then Spring came. Four weeks ago to be exact. And aside from three nice days last week it has basically not been Spring, but Winter-lite.
Okay, I realize we are not the Midwest. We didn’t get snow dumped on us this week. But, we are NOT the Midwest. We are the Northeast. And it is not supposed to snow on April 17th. My heater is not supposed to be running 24/7 by mid-April. The birds are not supposed to be seeing avian therapists in mid-April.
So, sorry, but Mom, time to check you into that home we have been discussing. Long ago I abandoned Old Man Winter without flinching, but he seems to have a knack for reappearing even though he’s not wanted. Pretty much like Roseanne. So, try and track down the Old Man and the two of you, take a nice, long vacation. Someplace really cold, like Pluto. It’s feeling a bit awkward anyway, not being a planet anymore and all. Mom, honesty is the best policy. Get out. And stay out. You’ve been on the job way too long. We’re talking Kelly Ripa long. Time to retire. Hand off the job to say, the Tooth Fairy. Which, by the way, is that title even politically correct anymore? Should it just be the Tooth Custodian?
Mom, you and the Old Man can set up shop on Pluto, drink as much Starbucks coffee as you’d like (oops, too soon?) They have one open there already, don’t they?
So, Lulu, you’ve got to carry the burden on your own now. It’s been quite a while since that happened. Even at 4’10” I’m sure you can handle it. You’ve always been toughest broad I’ve ever know.
Mother N, feel free to come back, once you’ve learned the meaning of the word warmth.
Trapped in a Happy Life 