Goop LeMange

Yes, yes, summer is rolling along and it makes it difficult to settle in and write anything with substance.  So let me shake off the cobwebs and see if anything productive is left under that tanned hide of mine.

I love the, “State by State” section of the USA Today.  Here’s a few recent tidbits.

Burlington, Vermont:  A nude man walked the streets Thursday.  His reason for being naked: “It’s very hot”.  I think the Democrats just found their candidate to run in 2020.

Rapid City, South Dakota: Ashley Ellis has pleaded not guilty to pepper spraying her 11 year old son for misbehaving.  Geez, I wonder what Mama Trump would do if she was still alive.

Warrensburg, Missouri:  Russell  Shuey told authorities that his gun “fell out of the holster” during a sexual encounter, went off and killed his female partner.  He faces a second degree murder charge.  See what you miss by not living in a Red State.

Not a day goes by when I don’t see someone walking down our street with a dog I don’t recognize.  Hell, I don’t recognize the dog walker either.  I’m not sure when this started but for some reason it concerns me.  Sort of like the parents at Halloween who drive their kids to other neighborhoods for trick or treating because these neighborhoods have more houses and better candy.  Seems a little carpet-baggerish if you ask me.  I suppose we have more enticing lawns to go on here in downtown Rosemont.  New Rule, if I don’t know your dog by at least his first name, my lawn is off limits.

You want to feel really old?  Try watching the movie, “Inception”, and understanding it.  We tried it a few years back after our daughter recommended it.  I think we made it 10 minutes in.  A few weeks later we gave it another try.  We found it easier to unwrap a new pair of scissors from that hard plastic stuff.  And then to shove the scissors into our ear canal.

So I trimmed the hedges last weekend.  No, that’s not a metaphor for anything.  I trimmed all 12 hedges, with a hedge trimmer.  Not cordless, although upon reflection, that is a better way to go.  You see, with the cord you never run out of power.  Ever.  So you can’t take, ‘recharging breaks”.  The good news is, at least once during the process, by, “accident”, I clip the power cord I’m using.  Then it’s off to the hardware store for a new one.  Not the local store close by, they have crappy electrical cords.  I go to the big store…you know, located right next to the Dairy Queen.  Oh, hell, I’ll have a Blizzard while I’m there.  Thank goodness for poor eyesight.

Never ever revisit beloved television shows from your youth.  Prime example, “Lost in Space”.  This show debuted when I was 5 years old and for three years was my entire world.  I recently viewed an old episode where they were on an alien planet that had a perimeter of some sort of land mines.  Upon closer examination, they were inflated beach balls.  Beach balls.  I realize they had to stay on budget but…

Men are stupid.  Well, duh.  It’s a miracle I’m still married to my wonderful wife.  Especially when I think back to our early days together.  My wife is anti-violence, especially when it comes to TV or film.  So what movie did I choose to “insist” she watch on our first date together?  Goodfellas.  No, not a joke.  I argued,  “You have to see it, it is a classic, well acted, great story and the violence, well, it’s in direct line with the story and the characters”.  This is how clueless men can be.  And yet, women somehow remain with us.  Lucky us.

I had some milksnow the other morning with my cereal.  You know, you haven’t opened the milk for a few days, you pour out your cereal into the bowl, then, as you uncap the milk, a small shower of dried white stuff comes cascading down onto your Captain Crunch.  Makes me long for winter.  Uh, no.

I’ve calculated that Comcast owes me $795.60.  At least 10 times a day I tune in to a channel I am paying for only to be told, “This channel is not currently available”.  I’m taking the plunge, I am.  Comcast is currently on hospice in my home.  Stay tuned.

Okay, it’s 5:55 am.  I’m running late already.  Stay cool.  And come over for a swim later if you’re free.