People and words we need to eliminate

Twice in one day?  Hasn’t happened to me in quite some time…that’s what happens when you turn 58.

Okay, let’s get right into it, these are people and words we need to eliminate from society, like, yesterday.  And yes, starting with the word, “Like”.

It’s happened to my soon to be 6 year old grandson, Milo.  Every other word, before actual words, is “like’.  It’s ruined me from the genuine meaning of the word.  But I don’t like all that much these days anyway.

People who have to advise you that it’s their birthday.  I’m not even talking about family or friends.  Total strangers, on the phone for this or that, and here it comes…”Yes, I’d be happy with that, especially today, it’s my birthday!”  And you have to follow that up with the obligatory, “Well, Happy Birthday”.  You can’t just continue on with, “Yeah, yeah, you want mustard on that?”

And by association the people who think they’re entitled to either a day off from doing ANYTHING, or a bunch of free stuff, just because it’s their birthday.  “Glad you chose the 2018 Lexus in Champagne Gold…wait, it’s your birthday, well, that’s on the house!”

Another word that has to go…trump.  Obviously, HE has to go, his name has to go, his entire creep family has to go, but now, that word, by association, has to be stricken from the dictionary.  You can no longer trump someone at cards.  And also, trumpet.  Sorry, too close.  Let’s rename that instrument something else.  Floogalhorn sounds just about right.

Awesome.  Nothing that has ever happened that has been described by this word has ever actually been awesome.  Trust me, I know.

Let’s throw a few phrases in there.  “Beats working” is my least favorite.  I have to hear it a lot on the golf course.  Usually by someone swinging clubs like they’re trying to dig up underground cables.  “Hey, buddy, at least at work I don’t have to tolerate the likes of you”.  When you strike oil, let me know.

“What are you gonna do?”  I’m going to stop speaking to YOU, and go and speak to someone else who has a clue of what to do next.

“I’m sorry”, and, “I’m so sorry”.  Let’s give the people on line at the funeral home something else to utter, please, in a time of mourning.   “Nice day for a funeral”, and “Beats working” come to mind.

The next person standing behind me in line at the market who tells me I must be in the dog house because I’m buying flowers for my wife and it’s not Valentine’s Day.  Hey buddy, some of us are not knuckle-dragging cavemen.  You should be so lucky to be married in the first place.  Count your blessings, plunk down $17.99 for a week old bouquet and try and get lucky.

By association the female checkout clerk, who gazes into those same flowers like they are the Hope Diamond and then rants on for 10 minutes about how her boyfriend is a good for nothing who never buys her anything.

Humongous.  Gigantic just didn’t cut it, huh?

Obey.  No need for that word to ever appear anywhere, ever again, for any reason.  Any objections?  Maybe from the president of the Harvey Weinstein fan club?

Perfect.  Nothing has ever been perfect.  Nothing will ever be perfect.  And if we stop striving for perfection we’ll all be a lot happier.

Whoever invented the drive thru.  The actual start of the decline of human kind.  By direct association, the person who thought self checkout lines were the right move.  Let us cease to interact with everyone on the planet, and then wonder why we have no one to tell, “Today’s my birthday” to.

While we’re at it, let’s throw a few back in that have been MIA for quite some time.

“No thanks, I’m full”.  I haven’t heard those words in a few decades, but maybe they can make a comeback.

“Not tonight, I’m gonna read a good book”.  If only…

More for the immediate disposal list…

“I can’t talk right now, I’m driving”.

Tweet.  Twit.   Spam.  Like us on…

Walmart.  And by association the words “wall” and “mart”, in any form.

And for immediate execution the next person who is still using, “LOL” anywhere, anytime.  I mean, I’m old, but, c’mon!

Keep watching, maybe I’ll try for three times in one day…wait, that never even happened as a teenager…