“It’s in the Bible”…

Sorry to get so confrontational at this “holy” time of the year, but they ask for it.  And by, “They”, I mean the bible-thumpers.

They are the nitwits that scream, whenever there is an issue they’re strongly in favor of, or against, such as, homosexuality, “It’s in the bible”.  They know their 6 word passages, that’s for sure.  They quote Jesus like he’s Ben Franklin.  Or Shakespeare.

It makes me wonder how many of these people have actually read the bible.  Or like a newspaper, do they just skim the headlines and move on?

Now I’m not saying the bible is not an entertaining book.  It certainly is.  It’s no Lord of the Rings mind you, but it has its moments of terror, catastrophes and miracles.  I’ve spent many a long night in a hotel room catching up on my Enos and my Esther and my Seth…

Look, people can choose to believe whatever they want.  If it makes them happy and better able to live their daily lives, I’m all for it.  But when ignorant people hold up this book, or worse, swear on it, that’s where you lose me.  This was not a publication written by the hand of any god.  It was written…by men.  The same men, who if you actually read the bible…did some pretty nasty shit.  Imagine this book being out out today in the midst of the MeToo movement?  Well, let me just say that I’d love to see that.

I’m sure the original writers of the bible had some decent things in mind, much like the people who wrote our Declaration of Independence and our Constitution.  But remember a lot of the men who wrote those historical documents owned slaves.  Talk about taking something with a grain of salt.  Men with good intentions, but with faults.  Some with real issues.  REAL issues.

The bible was written to help keep order.  To keep people from running amok and to instill a sense of direction and purpose in life, especially to the young and misguided.  A noble concept to say the least.  People will tell you, “It is about having faith”, when asking you to believe what is in the bible as fact.  Let me say that again…as fact.

I realize it sounds like I am mocking anyone who believes in the bible.  That is not the case.  Again if it helps you in your daily struggles to be a better person, I’m all for it.  Just don’t press your judgment unto me or others and hold up that book as the know all and end all.

Do people really believe that all mankind originated from two people?  If so, wouldn’t that mean we are all inbred?  John DuPont must be having a good laugh six feet under over that one.

People who rely on the bible as a means of daily existence should be forced to take an annual exam on the contents of the bible, and if they pass, they get the right to waive the book in your face to express an opinion.  The person who wrote, “A man shall not lay down with another man”  probably didn’t like the fact that he once had a good friend who chose to lay down with another man.

Noah’s Ark?  A novel idea.  In fact, when you think of it, the bible…would have made a great novel.  Perhaps it was the first great novel.  I mean, imagine what the bottom level of that ark looked like…or smelled like, after 35 days?  I know how bad it is when we don’t change the cat’s litter box for a few days.  And to think they may have dumped everything out into the rising seas…well, where was Green Peace when you needed them?

I get it, I’m headed straight to H E double hockey sticks for mocking the “BIBLE”.  If I’m going to any hell, it will be for a lot of stuff much worse than that.  I still see the billboards on the turnpike, which ask the question of our lifetime, “Are you going to HEAVEN or HELL?”  When I see these ads I always respond, “I’m going to Harrisburg, I have to take a statement at 11 am”.   And 300 feet down the road the next billboard mentions the Hollywood Casino, followed by Max’s Gentlemen’s Club.

Why don’t we all concentrate on the portions of the bible that people seem to ignore 99% of the time.  Love one another as I have loved you.  Give up your wealth, your possessions and help those in need.  I missed the part in the bible where it mentions that you should, “Acquire as much money and shit as you can in your life and ignore those less fortunate than yourself because in the next life you will be rewarded with more wealth for all of your wealth”.

The fact that there are still places that make you place your hand atop the bible and swear to something is astounding.  And the people who do it are the same that have no trouble uttering, “On my children’s life, I swear it”.  Poor children…

Let’s keep the bible for what it is and what it should be.  A guide to try and be a better human being.  Beyond that, your guess is as good as mine.  Let’s not use it as a defense or as a weapon of hate.  Every religious book has it merits.  And its problematic preachings.  Try and remember the common concept.  Be good to one another.  Not exclusive.  Be understanding.  Not judgmental.  Lend a hand, don’t slap a hand.

We will all find out one day who was right and who was wrong.  Or none of us may ever find anything.  We might all die and turn to dust and that’s it.  Pretty grim concept?  In my opinion, that’s what those who wrote the bible had in mind, too.  Let’s give them hope.  Let’s give them great stories and instill some decency and faith in them.  Give them something to live for.  Again, a great idea.  Taken by some as gospel.  By others as a tool of hate.

Let’s exclude.  Let’s oppress.  Let’s injure.  Let’s take advantage.  Again, I missed the passages that spoke about living our life in that manner.