We always imagine, once we become parents, that our children will grow up to embody the principles that we hold dear to. Rarely is it, nowadays, that children meet our expectations, let alone surpass them.
Today I watched my daughter take part in a protest in which she and 32 others placed themselves in a position where they could have been arrested. Why? For the issue of banning the sale of assault weapons.
The march and protest which concluded outside the offices of Senator Pat Toomey in Philadelphia today was a planned event. It began at 4th and Race Streets where an actual assault rifle was melted down, turned into a farming implement. That farm tool was then marched down to Mr. Toomey’s office, with about three hundred protesters in tow, myself included.
My daughter Jessica had trained for this. Prepared for her possible arrest. How can I, as a parent, ever be any prouder?
The issue hardly seems arguable anymore. People intent on violence, those with or without mental health issues, choose assault weapons for one reason. And it is not self-defense. It is to kill as many people as they can in as short a time as they can. That’s it.
How this can even still be an issue after Sandy Hook is outrageous. The autopsy photos of each of those dead children should be mailed to every resident of this country. Politicians should be forced to have them framed and hanging in their offices. Because only then would they be forced to address the issue and stop running and hiding from it.
People hear it and think it is rhetoric. But it’s true. The gun lobby controls this country through the politicians. Politicians like Toomey who spout their faith in God. A God he obviously does not believe in. How could he? How could he and still fail to act with just the merest of human compassion? Hanging his hat on the Second Amendment? Seriously?
The mass shootings happen. Everyone speaks of it. The news carries the story. The flags fly. The politicians give their bullshit speeches. And nothing changes. Nothing.
Assault weapons are weapons of war. They are not weapons of self-defense. Groups like those fighting today aren’t trying to take away people’s guns. That’s what most people don’t understand. They’re trying to remove weapons of war from the hands of people who have no business ever holding them.
I’ve never been touched by gun violence, whether it be of the assault weapon nature or otherwise. Yet there I was today, marching and shouting. For an issue so simple and logical it defies logic that nothing significant has been done.
I’ve written before, I am not a religious man. I am a man of right and wrong. You don’t need a God to explain that to you. But I secretly hope this is a God, and an afterlife. And that there is a very special place there not just for the people who purchase guns and then kill, but for those people like Pat Toomey, who had a chance to step up and do something to protect many people, yet did nothing.
Fortunately, my daughter is sleeping in her own bed tonight. Her and the 32 others that were willing to spend the night in a much more unsavory place. So that no parent has to ever again get the call not to come to pick their child up at school, but at the morgue. Yeah, I know, serious shit. Makes you want to stop reading. Or turn the page. That’s what we do. We stop reading. We stop looking. Too dark. That is what the gun lobby and the politicians count on. Our ignorance.
In World War II the Germans didn’t worry about the United State’s entry into the war. They claimed Americans were too weak. That we didn’t have the stomach for it. Our own politicians now think the VERY SAME THING OF US. They underestimate us.
Hey, Pat, don’t underestimate my daughter. And her associates. They are in this for the long run. Trying to save our children…whether you want them to or not.
It was unreasonable to assume I would last even this long. So whatever few Republican readers I’ve had up till now, time to say goodbye. No need for any of you to read beyond this line, really.
It was originally my intention to keep this blog light, and free of incident, politically or otherwise. I’ve realized that is no longer who I am able to be. When I wrote my book two years ago it was before this administration. Before this daily dose of slop.
And with all of the disgusting things that have transpired in the past year and four months, what was the straw that broke the camel’s back? White House staffer Kelly Sadler’s statement that John McCain’s recent statements “shouldn’t count” because he’s dying. I wish I could report that was a misprint. I wish I could report that the past 16 months were a misprint. I can’t even describe someone as, “soulless” because I don’t believe in souls, but, really?
Anyway, shouldn’t a person’s words just before their death have the most meaning, and not the opposite? Isn’t that when they are at their most truthful? The fact that John McCain has requested the current president not be at his funeral is all I needed to hear.
I haven’t always agreed with John McCain, but I sure as hell have always respected him (despite the entire Palin debacle). He would have made an honorable Republican President. He is a decent man, a war hero, and exemplifies true American qualities. I wish I could say the same for the steaming heap of garbage that currently occupies the Oval Office. And with that statement, all due apologies to steaming heaps of garbage everywhere.
Ever since President Barack Obama left the White House it has been like this for me, and for millions of Americans. Wake up every morning and start your day, by having for breakfast, the food that you dislike the most. Every day. You are forced to eat it. You have no choice. It’s not going to kill you, but every day you start your day with the worst taste in your mouth. And no amount of brushing or gargling will eliminate it. And then you try to go on with the rest of your day.
Hard to imagine that I long for the days of George W Bush and Dick Cheyney. Sure, one had no brain and the other had no heart but…they were more like cartoon characters than raging lunatics.
The people I pity the most are those who are deeply religious that voted for Trump. These are the people who believe in Jesus Christ, in his teachings. Who believe there is an afterlife and that one day they will stand before God. And believe that when they do, they will have an answer ready when asked how they voted for such a man. The over and under for stammers in that answer is 27. I’ll take the over.
If there is an afterlife I may very well be taking the elevator down rather than up, but one thing I am certain of…I won’t have to have an answer for that question.
I’ll save a seat on the hot sofa for some of you…
Tomorrow is the, “Demand the Ban” event in Philadelphia to help raise awareness for the need of better gun control laws. Rain or Shine! Hope to see you there. Delco United is a great entity and they need your support!
We are back after a week off with more of the USA Today State by State blurbs. Here are some of the most interesting.
FORT DODGE, IOWA: A man says his dog inadvertently shot him in the leg after disabling the safety and stepping on the trigger.
So, guns don’t kill people. Dogs with guns kill people.
WAVELAND, INDIANA: Authorities seized more than 750 birds in a raid of two suspected cockfighting rings.
The proper punishment for these criminals. HoUse them in a dirt floor ring with glass walls in the middle of their Main Street, have them strip naked and force them to engage in their own brand of cock fighting.
ORONO, MAINE: The University of Maine has brought in goats as stress relievers for students during finals.
Fast forward 10 years later. Maine graduate John Spencer has a big board meeting with stockholders and brings in his pet Billy Goat, Sam, to get him through the difficult presentation. Unfortunately, Sam urinates on the pie chart and chews up the carpeting before he can finish. John is fired but survives on goat meat for the next 2 weeks until he finds another job.
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH: The Mormon church warns of “serious adverse consequences” if the State’s medical marijuana initiative passes.
Sure, pray away the agonizing pain of cancer and debilitating illness’ instead of be offered some sort of relief. Even if it was God that made you sick in the first place.
NEWPORT NEWS, VIRGINIA: A white hotel clerk has been fired after he was caught on video calling a black customer a monkey.
More uplifting news from a State, that for the most part, is still living in the 1800’s. I’m not sure where we can banish people like this. Perhaps we can create a state just for the human wretches of the world. This fool can lead the way.
LOUISVILLE, KENTUCKY: A car crashed into a Denny’s, sending 10 people to the hospital.
Five as a direct result of the crash, and another five for food poisoning.
EASTOVER, SOUTH CAROLINA: Two men got into an argument over the weekend at a family gathering and killed each other with gunfire.
It seems now we’ll never know how the debate of, “Eggs in the potato salad” or “No eggs in the potato salad” will ever be resolved.
What is our culture’s obsession with speed? After 38 years as an accident claims adjuster, I’ll never quite understand it. In those 38 years I’ve seen some pretty gruesome stuff. And hundreds of fatalities later I can tell you, most of them were not caused by mechanical failure or weather or poor road conditions. Most of them were caused by human error, mainly speed.
About a week ago I recounted a humorous story about Grandma Wawa, who took 20 minutes getting into and out of the store and then whizzed by me, doing 60 in a 35 mph zone. Cute, right? What I probably never saw happened a mile further down the road when she hit an SUV with a mom taking her two kids to school. In two words…slow down!
Medical emergencies aside, where are we going and what is the need to get there two minutes ahead of schedule? You ever travel across state to a relative’s house? The first thing the men (and women at times) discuss is the trip and how long it took and how they could have shaved 8 minutes off the ride had they only taken I-63. No one ever talks about how nice a ride it was, how the trees were in bloom. We talk about the length of the trip, the potholes, roadkill and traffic. Oh, and some creep urinating on the side of the road behind his AMC Gremlin.
The other morning I was out early, as usual, headed to Northern New Jersey for work, travelling down a local road at about 5:15 am. Quiet, sun getting ready to come up, I’m doing 40 on our 35 mile per hour road, and there’s a guy in a Land Rover literally trying to drive into the bed of my pickup. After a million miles on the road, I still don’t understand.
What I used to do in those situations was to slow down and make the jerk wait…and wait…and oh, wait. Now I just pull over and let them pass, muttering as they go by, “I’ll see you on my next claim”.
One of favorite moments in life is having a crumb like that pass me, and a mile down the road see him pulled over by police, getting a ticket, and then slowing down, pointing and laughing as I drive past. Doesn’t happen nearly enough.
Unfortunately, multiple tickets and even DUI’s don’t stop a lot of these maniacs. And I really wouldn’t mind that much, the fact that they are in a hurry to die. The world would be a better and safer place without them. The problem is, in the course of events, they usually take a few innocent people with them. And for the speed nuts who believe in the afterlife, have you ever seen a movie about heaven where anyone was driving a car?
I should not insinuate that it is just men here. I’ve seen my share of soccer moms weaving in and out of traffic like they’re playing some sort of video game. We need to ask ourselves, “How important is it that we get there at 7:12 instead of 7:20?” Isn’t it enough that we just get there?
One of the problems is that a lot of people drive angry. And anger and cars simply don’t mix. How many people do you know, that in order to blow off steam, grab their gun, go out back and engage in target practice? In a lot of ways, what people do when they step into a vehicle angry, is very similar. The road is no place for rage. Go buy of those squeezy dolls whose eyes pop out instead.
For most of us, our experience behind the wheel before the age of 16 consists of bumper cars and go karts. So, one activity where the point is to crash into as many people as you can, and the other to go as fast as you can to pass as many people as possible. Is anyone else seeing a connection here? We get our license at 16, maybe 17, and then we are never again required to pass another driver’s test. How about a refresher exam say, every five years? Just to make sure we still have the skills. C’mon, let’s keep the DMV in the black for a few decades.
For as much as they have been useful, cell phones are such a significant part of accidents in our world today. Texting alone is horrible, but the general distraction is problematic. Driving over a bridge doing 65 is not the best place to take a call from home and hear that Fido just ran into the street and was run over.
Let’s see, who have we lost to car crashes? There’s Princess Grace of Monaco of course. James Dean. Princess Diana, Jayne Mansfield. Local sports figures Jerome Brown and Pelle Lindbergh. Comedian Ernie Kovacs, who lost control of his car while trying to light a cigar. What about General George S. Patton, a war hero, who survived World War II, only to die several moths later in a car accident. And astronaut Pete Conrad who walked on the moon. He traveled through space, walked on the moon, and made it back to earth, all without a dent, only to die on this planet in a car accident. Think about that.
I know a lot of people who drive aggressively. They’re mantra is that they are safe because, “they are in control”. What they are often forgetting is that the entire concept of driving is based around the expectation that the other person on the road knows what they are doing. They don’t. And when you drive at 70 and someone cuts in your lane 20 feet ahead of you, the response time is considerably less than when the same thing happens and you’re travelling 45. It’s simple math.
Many, many years ago, it wasn’t uncommon for a lot of people to go out in their car, just to take a drive. Really, that happened. Now, we drive with purpose. Get from point A to point B, and get there as soon as is humanly possible. That’s it in a nutshell really. Humanly possible. As humans, anything is possible. Except that we can’t bring people back from the dead. So if not even for your own sake, slow down for our sake. We, the rest of us who have to share the road with you.
Murphy, our border collie, tolerated his surgery well on Friday and was back home with us as of yesterday. He’s laying behind me on the floor as I type. Just knowing he’s there makes life a little easier.
He is sporting a very nasty scar near his right ear that would scare any member of Hell’s Angels. Also, a large plastic cone which he has to wear for 10 days. The heckles from neighborhood dogs has already begun. The, “Murphy Lamp” is the new fad. We’re looking for a light bulb-shaped bone for his mouth to complete the look.
He is buoyed by the fact that our soon to be three year old granddaughter Olivia is visiting from Texas. Just when you think everything is wrong with the world spend ten minutes with this little girl and feel rejuvenated. If I had the first clue as to how to post photos with this blog you would all be gushing by now.
If you email me at, “Trappedinahappylife@gmail.com” I’ll send you some.
Anyway, we’ll know a bit more about Murphy’s future when his pathology comes back in about a week. Whether he faces any more immediate challenges or not. Paws crossed.
I posted a few days ago about movies to watch when you’re in need of a laugh. I failed to mention a pretty big one, a movie most of you have not only never seen, you likely have never heard of. It’s called, “The Castle”. It’s an Australian film starring Michael Caton. The only person in it you may have heard of is Eric Bana, who starred in Munich, and also later as, The Hulk”. This film is quirky, silly and endearing. Well worth the effort of tracking it down. And if you think you’ll see a funnier movie this year, “You’re dreamin”. That line will sound much funnier once you’ve seen the film. If you can’t find it, email me and we’ll send you our DVD, $4.99 rental fee plus shipping.
Today is Professional Nurses Day. So hug a nurse if you know one, or if you’ve benefited by one. But mostly, tell them thank you, for what often is a thankless job. And to those four nurses at the University of Pennsylvania who held me down 24 years ago when the doctors had to catheterize me, sorry about the bruises and loose teeth. But, you did have it coming. That’s just not right what you did.
And while we are not on the subject, my darling wife has to explain to me why it is that with just the two of us in the house, except for occasional guests, we have 24 forks in our kitchen cabinet utensil drawer. It it like they are mating and reproducing overnight. I would mix a few in with the spoons in their slot but I’m afraid I’ll wake up tomorrow with a bunch of sporks. I think when you’re empty nesters eight is the maximum number of any single utensil that you need. If you’re using any more than that it means one of you has died and a bunch of people are coming over with a ton of food. Or we could empty the utensil drawer all together and just each have our own Swiss Army knife. When I can no longer close the drawer because of the height of the fork, we have reached, “I have a problem” land.
And let’s all address the elephant in the room. If you’re going to brunch today at 11:30, it’s lunch. Brunch is at 10:00. Once the clock hits 11:30, it’s lunchtime. Call it whatever you like, it is lunch. Doesn’t matter that there are eggs on the buffet table.
I should know. This is a subject I know very, very well. When I was a younger adult man and worked in an office, I would try and put off eating lunch as late as possible. If I could hold off until 1:00, and be done at 1:45, then I’d have only a little over three hours work left before it was time to go home. And have dinner.
As I grew older, if I was on the road, when I was hungry was not the issue. I could never start my lunch before noon. In the car, by myself…lunch in the sack…11:52…waiting…11:56…not yet…11:59. Okay, 12 noon…go!
Now, at 57, going to be bed early (by early I mean I rarely see the number, “10” on our clock), means I am up most mornings about 5:30. I love these long days. Walking at Haverford College at 6 am, back home with Mad’s coffee by 7 am, but…it means having breakfast usually about 7:00 – 7:30. So how does that affect the rest of my eating day?
Right now my lunch begins daily at 11:30. I’m usually done by 11:45. Problem is dinner doesn’t start until 6:00. So now, I face the same dilemma in reverse. Holding out from lunch until dinner.
And some days if I’m having a bad morning at the office, I make my 30 second killer commute early to the house and stare at the clock to see if I can start prepping lunch at 11:20. Maybe start eating at 11:25? Maybe the clock is slow, anyhow. Oh, c’mon, Comcast can be wrong!
In closing, isn’t it odd that the moment are bodies stop growing vertically, they start expanding horizontally? And never stop. So much so that they then begin shrinking vertically. But never horizontally.
Murphy, our beloved 8 year old border collie, is in today for surgery. Just Monday we found a small lump near his neck. The next day he was at our vet, who aspirated the growth and found, “suspicious cells”.
The next day to Hope Clinic where a secondary exam later confirmed though pathology that the small growth is cancerous. So, today, he is having surgery to have the growth removed. What happens beyond today is unknown. All this is a span of five short days.
Like many of you out there, our dog is not just a dog. He is a member of our family. And anyone who knows me knows that he has a higher standing among us than most of the humans I know. So today is a tough day.
Any of you who have met Murphy knows he has never met a ball he didn’t like. Fetching and running is more important to him that eating it seems. Second is the frisbee toss in the back yard. He wakes us in the morning standing over one of us in bed with a small nudge of his paw if he doesn’t feel we have started our day (and his) on time. He commiserates with his friends during daily morning, afternoon and evening walks. Sydney, two blocks over is his favorite, although Murph refuses to admit she is his girlfriend. There’s also Douglas, Sweetie, Kyra, Sasha and Penny just to name a few.
We have a small steel bottle on the shelf of a window near our front door. Murph will nudge it a bit with his nose to alert us it is time to go out, in the event we are running five minutes late.
He expects his treats before bed. His dinner is mixed with turkey that we cook before each meal. Yes, we work for him, not the other way around.
We’re not totally pet obsessed. We don’t dress Murph up on Halloween but we do celebrate his birthday on May 30th and he does get to wear a hat and eat a cupcake. Okay, we are a little obsessed. But we, like most pet owners, realize that our beloved companions come with an expiration date. We won’t have them, or each other frankly, forever.
That makes the time we spend with them all the more special. I can think of only two times in the past twenty years when I truly sobbed. Those were the two days I brought my previous dogs, Stumpy and Buckets, in to be put down. I can’t imagine that experience with Murph and I hope the day does not come.
People can hardly understand it when elderly pet owners make sure to provide in their will for their pet’s care, at some cost, actually. Sometimes more so that the care of their own children. If you have owned a pet, it is not all that difficult to understand, actually.
Yes, its true, our pets shed. They chew. They smell at times, and not in the way we want them to. They pee and they poop, not always where they are supposed to. They track in things. They require care and that costs money. But, in exchange for all of that, they bring us unconditional love. They cannot extend their voice to us, barking aside. So they do it in a number of other ways. With a nudge, or a look, or a lick.
The cost for Murph’s procedure is staggering. Money we did not have and had to, “acquire”. But there was barely a moment’s pause that it was the right thing for us to do, whether we sacrifice dinners out, gifts, or even our yearly vacation. Because he, like our cat, Sophie, provide us with something every day, all day. Their presence. Their charm. Their friendship. And they ask for so very little.
Have any of you seen, “Isle of Dogs” yet, the new film from Wes Anderson? See it, and you’ll see what I mean.
I don’t have to remind pet owners to remember to treat their pets well. If you own a pet you probably do because you already realize they give you so much more than you could ever give to them.
Yesterday was one of those days. That you’d like to forget. Bad news on a couple of fronts. The type of day that makes you want to lose yourself in something funny at the end of the day to take your mind off of things.
When I was younger and wanted to watch a film comedy, I turned to movies like, “Animal House”, “Young Frankenstein” or, “Caddyshack”, and who could argue, they did make you laugh. Or even an older film like, “Some Like it Hot”. As I’ve grown older, here’s a few of the movies to put on your must-see list, whether you’ve already see them or not.
“The Birdcage”. A Mike Nichols film. One of the few true comedies, and unforgettable performances by Robin Williams, Nathan Lane, Gene Hackman and Dianne Wiest. If you’re homophobic, get over it. Never fails to improve your mood. Hank Azaria almost steals the movie.
“My Cousin Vinny”. Another pure comedy. No matter how many times you hear it, “Two yoots” is still funny.
“Arthur”. The original, with Dudley Moore. One of the finest comedic performances of all time. And John Gielgud’s performance is also unforgettable. “Don’t you hate Perry’s wife” may be the most understated and missed laugh line of all time. Had to be ad-libbed.
“The Big Lebowski”. Previously blogged about so I won’t repeat it. Watch it. Laugh. Simple process.
“State and Main”. A David Mamet film. Not pie in your face humor. Almost no one in the film laughs the entire movie. Subtle. But well written and classic performances by William H Macy, the late Philip Seymour Hoffman, Alec Baldwin and many others. A wonderful farce of the film industry.
“Mrs. Doubtfire”. I’m sure you’ve all seen it, several times probably. But another pure comedy, with bits of drama sprinkled in. How Robin Williams did not win the Oscar is beyond my understanding.
“Fantastic Mr. Fox”. Okay, I admit it. I love everything Wes Anderson does. We recently saw, “Isle of Dogs” and it blew us away. “Fox” may be his funniest film. Stop action, not animation. If you’re a, “I can’t waste my time with kids movies” person, you’ll never know what you are missing. Whoever came up with the concept of inserting, “cuss” for “F***” is a genius.
“The Life of Brian”. Okay, for any religious people who bought into the hype, relax. It’s a movie. Not a documentary. Even if you were never a fan of Monty Python fan there’s no way this film doesn’t make you laugh. And if you’re a heathen like me, even better.
“High Fidelity”. A masterpiece. John Cusack at his struggling best. Jack Black in his best role. Killer soundtrack. Even a cameo by Bruce Springsteen. If you love music, a double bonus.
“The Guard”. By the same director who just did, “Three Billboards…” Brendan Gleeson is brilliant, as he is in everything, this time as a beaten Irish cop, or, Guard”, abusing drugs, entertaining ladies of the night, and standing up for what is right. A dark comedy, with funny homocidic criminals, brilliantly written and a cast of understated actors you’ve seen in a lot of films. If you see it and like it, then try, “In Bruges” as well.
“Nobody’s Fool”. Another film I’ve already blogged about. Paul Newman, Jessica Tandy, Bruce Willis and Melanie Griffith. If this movie doesn’t make you laugh and feel better after a bad day, you’ve had a really, really bad day.
“Mother”. Albert Brooks has made a lot of funny movies, maybe none more so than, “Lost in America”. You must see that also, The, “Nest Egg” speech in the camper will make you pee your pants. However, for some reason, “Mother” resonates with me, as overall, as a funnier film. The pairing of Brooks and Reynolds was a stroke of genius. She actually carries the movie. Another Oscar worthy performance.
“Postcards from the Edge”. Another Mike Nichols Film. Yes, Nichols directed the brilliant, “The Graduate”, but this film, written by Carrie Fischer, and based on her life, is classic comedy. Meryl Streep is at the top of her game, yet Shirley MacLaine steals every scene she is in. This is a movie a lot of people, for one reason or another, hasn’t seen. See it. End of advice.
“Galaxy Quest”. The only thing funnier, at the time, would have been to have the original, “Star Trek” cast play themselves in this type of movie. Although Tim Allen is the lead, the movie is carried by Sigourney Weaver, Sam Rockwell, Alan Rickman and Tony Shaloub.
“Little Miss Sunshine”. A quirky comedy with dramatic overtures, even a death. But the writing is so truthful and the performances so real, well, you just have to see it. Toni Collette, Greg Kinnear, Paul Dano, Steve Carrell and Alan Arkin, who won an Oscar for his role, make you laugh by being real people. Abigail Breslin gives one of the finest child-acting performances in quite some time. In the same ballpark, try “Juno”. Even if you’re older, like me. A movie about younger people that makes older people laugh. Ellen Page and Michael Cera make a very topical and serious situation very funny and heart warming.
“Home for the Holidays”. We are always amazed by the number of people who haven’t seen this film. It plays on our TV every Thanksgiving Eve. Directed by Jodie Foster, it is a holiday movie that once you watch it, will do for you at Thanksgiving, what, “A Christmas Story” has done for so many people at Christmas. Starring Holly Hunter and Robert Downey Jr., but Anne Bancroft and Charles Durning are both unforgettable. Watch it. Laugh. Eat turkey. Loosen your belt, “You little ingrates”.
“Small Time Crooks”. Woody Allen, love him or hate him, has made a ton of funny movies. Oscar winners. But this one, made when he was a bit older and far from being his finest, makes me laugh about the same every time I see it. Perhaps it is the pairing with Tracy Ullman. The two of them were made to work together. And just a chance to see the brilliant Elaine May in action. Unforgettable.
“When Harry Met Sally”. Let’s end with a classic. Could have been made in 1935 or 1955 or 1975. Would still be funny. Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, Carrie Fischer and Bruno Kirby. My wife and I still quote the older couples who break in every few scene, talking about how they met, etc… “Watch her washing the clothes…she look pretty good to me”. And no one knows our inside joke whenever we say, “Kolikio”. “I ran into her at Eddie Kolikio’s funeral”…
I know, I know, I’ve left a ton off. More for another day, another blog. Watch. Laugh. Lay your troubles aside for a few hours. They’re going to be there tomorrow.
My darling wife celebrated her 59th birthday today. Actually, the celebration is ongoing.
Unless you read my book, many of you don’t know how Madeline and Mike became Madeline and Mike.
I was married in 1984. I was 24 at the time and thought I knew everything there was to know about life and love. Silly boy. Now I think it is criminal to allow people to marry before the age of thirty. You are still changing in so many ways that it’s difficult to know what you are or what you want.
Needless to say, six years later I was no longer married. And it was not the fault of the nice girl I married. It was mine. I knew exactly what I was getting into at the time. I just didn’t realize it at 17, when we began dating, or at 24, when we married, that perhaps I wasn’t totally sure.
Our daughter Jessica was born in 1988 and that is something I will always cherish, but there were other good things too. No relationship comes and goes without happy memories.
I then met and experienced love with a woman named Kathleen, who at the time was 16 years my senior. Age did not matter. The relationship had its up and downs over 7 years but for the most part I was happy. I assisted in helping both of those relationships implode. Looking back, which I realize is a dangerous thing to do, I could have been better. In about every was possible.
Madeline and I began working together circa 1993. I was her manager when she first came to work for us. We became instant friends. It sounds corny that we had a ,”connection”, but, we did. We were both in relationships and we never, ever crossed any lines. I left that company in 1996 and Madeline a short while later, and we stayed in touch, occasional lunches, etc…
When both of our relationships ended in 1998, she and I became a we. The relationship started twenty years ago this Spring, and we married in 2002, now into out 16th year. We have not had many ups and down. They have mainly been ups. Lucky me.
By my own admission I am a great husband. I cook, I grocery shop. I do laundry. I take out trash. I iron my own clothes. And I am great at foot massage. Lucky she. And my wife, well, she outdoes me on every one of those. Except she has never touched my feet and still owes me a pedicure from a Christmas present three years ago. But if you’ve ever seen my feet you wouldn’t blame her.
But the main reason it works is we like each other…most of the time. There are moments when I get on her nerves and those when she is twisting my last nerve (which isn’t really fair as I only have 2 nerves). But we both, each of us, know that life without each other would not be much of a life.
We’ve been blessed with four children between us, and as of now, four healthy and beautiful grandchildren, Milo, Olivia, Remy, and the newest arrival, Matthew.
We’ve had health issues, and we know that as we age there will be more to come. We’ve had financial hardships, but we persevere. We’re fortunate to be surrounded by a loving family, great friends and mainly, each other.
We’ve often talked about moving, to Lake Placid, our, “home away from home”, or recently, to Canada. People have asked, “How could you do it, just pick up and leave everyone you know?” It wouldn’t be easy, but somehow, we know, that with just the two of us, we’d be okay.
I think the best thing we have in our favor is that we both grew into the people we wanted to be. When you stop looking for the next thing you focus on who you are and more importantly, what you want. I famously said, at my 55th birthday party, that I had everything I wanted and had achieved everything I wanted. All I needed to do was ride it out, for as long as I possibly could.
Yes, we always want to keep evolving. Getting lazy is dangerous. But I know who I am and what I have. And that is a lucky, lucky thing.
Happy Birthday Sweetie! (not really necessary as she doesn’t read my blog anyway). And, there goes that second nerve.
A very nice person who happens to read my blog asked me a few weeks ago how it is that I have so many interesting things to write about.
I usually have some vague ideas when I lay down to bed, and the ideas grow into deep thoughts while I am sleeping, sort of like crabgrass growing in your yard. Then, when I wake up in the morning, the stories are fully formed and I just sit down and start typing.
If it were only that simple…
In fact, there are many days I don’t blog, simply because I have nothing to say. I’ll pause while a few of you I know very well get up off of the floor.
True, I’ve rarely been short of opinions or comment. And in today’s world there is plenty to comment on. Here are just a few, in no specific order.
I’ve officially grown old. And I’m not just talking about my turkey neck and age spots. I’m only 57, but I’ve noticed in the past year my body has started rejecting the cold. I remember picking up my Dad when he was in his 50’s, and going to lunch. It would be July, and Dad would show up with long pants, a flannel shirt, and carrying a sweater. Huh? Now, when I go outside and it’s 60 degrees, I have to seriously contemplate whether a tee shirt is enough. And, I’ve started blowing my nose, you know, without have a cold or an allergy. Now, it just runs whenever it wants to, sort of like Frank Rizzo used to.
And that’s another thing, running. I still play basketball on Monday nights but I have this growing fear that one day I will wake up and simply will no longer be able to run. That my legs simply will not be able to perform that function. Have you had those dreams? Where you try to run and for some reason your legs won’t move? They’ve replaced the dreams where all of my teeth have fallen out. Also, you know you’re getting old when you no longer have sexual dreams…about anyone…or anything.
Let’s see, what’s next? My brother retired yesterday. At the age of 59. I am envious, I won’t lie. I am very much looking forward to the day when I can do nothing, if that’s what I choose to do. Despite the fact that I rarely spend a day when I am not constantly moving.
There was a murder-suicide in Radnor Township this week. A woman, whose husband was cheating on her, shot the husband’s girlfriend and then killed herself. Much has been printed already about this tragic situation. Apparently, she did not want to go on living, and had conveyed to her family that she wanted to end things in this manner to have her husband suffer. We humans are a tragic, unpredictable breed. There are probably about 10 sub-stories to this tale, but, I have to wonder, how easy would this have been to pull off if she did not have access to a gun?
We are all too busy. I have looked at my calendar for the month of May and I already have “things to do” written down on 14 different date blocks. Please, please, please, make sure you take at least one single day this month to do nothing, “structured”, to do with it whatever you’d like. They call it, I think, a “mental health day”. I think the woman in the previous paragraph could have used a few more of those.
We’re running out of, “Days”. Yes, the real ones, that’s true. But the named days as well. Just in May alone, we have Mother’s Day, but also, National Nurses Day, National Teachers Day, Armed Forces Day, Memorial Day, Victoria Day (Canada, sorry), and Ramadan. What about National Claim Adjusters Day, or Golfers who have never had a Hole in One Day? Seems to me we’re not trying hard enough. And yes, I am bitter to be a part of that last one.
For anyone of you who does care that I do write, please know that on days when I don’t, I might actually be busy working, or deeply involved in a home project, playing with my grand kids, or out walking with my wife. Or, I just may not have anything to say.
If there’s a subject you’d like to hear me write about, don’t be shy about that. You can always reach me at trappedinahappylife@gmail.com
Now, back to sleep. I need more ideas. Oh, forgot, have to go golfing and never make a hole in one.
Bill Cosby was convicted yesterday. The charade is over and finally, the women he assaulted are getting some measure of justice. He’s not in jail yet, and who knows if he ever will be. I’m sure he’ll be free on appeal and his team of attorneys will start to bring the, “significant health issues” into play, but, it’s a start anyway. Now the world KNOWS, and whether he ever steps foot in a prison or not, his life is over, and is legacy is forever tainted.
I grew up listening to Bill Cosby’s comedy albums in the 1960’s and 70’s. They were a riot and resonated with young boys, black and white. Cosby had gained famed as a male lead in I-Spy on television in the 1960’s, then the Bill Cosby Show (teacher Chet Kincaid), and finally, achieving gold status with The Cosby Show. That series was such a badge of honor, not only for Cosby but for African Americans everywhere. The quality of the show and what it did to portray black families in a positive light was remarkable. Cosby was brilliant, there’s no doubt about that.
And now, like just about everything good, it’s been tainted. Forever. And there’s no doubt about that either.
Everyone wonders about circumstances such as these. You often hear, “Wasn’t he famous enough that he could have gotten hundreds of women to sleep with him, just from the fame standpoint?” That wasn’t the point. Cosby, like so many other men, wanted control. Control to do what he wanted, when he wanted to, in the manner he wanted to. Control over women. Because he COULD.
Most of these women were not given a choice…”Sleep with me or your career will be ruined”. They allowed themselves to be in situations where they eventually lost control and the ability to make decisions for themselves. They were preyed upon. And no one deserves that.
During this entire episode there was a part of the little boy in me who had hoped this wasn’t true. That perhaps it was just horseplay, and some women trying for fame, and trying to get rich. And perhaps that was a very small part of it. But yesterday’s decision leaves no doubt about the type of person Bill Cosby allowed himself to become. Nor what he did to so many women…all because he could.
It doesn’t matter whether it was one woman, or 25 women. Rape is rape. Fame played no part in this scenario, except that it enabled Cosby the opportunity to have access to more potential victims.
In today’s society, when something truly good happens, we now always wait for the other shoe to drop. Hardly anyone is famous, or becomes a hero, without some sort of blemish, or even worse…this.
A baseball player hits 50 home runs, we think, he must be on the juice.
A politician breaks barriers and is set for a promising career, oops, he took money he shouldn’t have.
A firefighter saves people from a burning building…only to find out he set the fire in the first place.
People, especially adoring followers, often forget, we are all human. And all capable of mistakes. We are all weak in some manner or another. Or, in a case like this, there is evil lurking behind a facade where we least expect it. When I hear these stories, I often ask myself, “How could they think they would not get caught?”
The answers may vary. Arrogance. Sickness. Delusion. Calculated control. Whatever the answer is, here’s another American hero who’s come crashing down. Right into a big bowl of Jello pudding.
Trapped in a Happy Life 